Spotlight Story: What To Do? A Mother’s Struggles

KAY (pictured above)

In a past issue of INSIDE ADDICTION: The Magazine we shared the story of Scott who grew up in a small town but ended up with a BIG problem. In this interview we asked his mother, Kay, to share her experience as she watched her son slowly commit suicide- one needle at a time. Kay eventually was faced with the same taboo choice many families are faced with- have her son arrested or wait for the police to contact her to identify him at a morgue. She had buried her husband as a result of his addiction but refused to bury her son due to his. This is Kay’s story and how someone else’s addiction impacted her.

IA: How would you describe your son as a child?

KAY: Scott was born 12 weeks early at Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and weighed 3lbs. 14oz. Even at that time he was off of oxygen in less than 24 hours. Your lungs are the last organ to develop, but the doctors said he’s strong he'll be ok. But at a week old they diagnosed him with viral meningitis. It was devastating news. The doctors said he could be brain damaged, blind, or deaf. We could only watch and wait to see the outcome. It was the most horrible time of my life. He pulled through it.

IA: As he got older, did you ever believe your son was using drugs or would be at risk to use drugs? Did you ever see any signs?

KAY: Scott always had friends that grew up with him, but he started hanging out with new friends who liked to party and with the most dangerous drugs. On his behalf, I worried about Scott because he always suffered with migraines from the time he could say his head hurt and he was prescribed Tylenol 3. I'd tell his dad that Scott had no fear of drugs and it worried me. He'd have to take one go to sleep for an hour and then run into the living room and yell "I FEEL GREAT!" That should have been a HUGE red flag but it wasn't, not yet anyway. Scott liked sports but never was an aggressive person so he was kind of lackluster in the sports department. Scott was a natural born people person born with the gift of gab. He was a case history at Children’s Hospital in Pennsylvania for four years because of his tumultuous start and had a vocabulary of 25 words when he was nine months old. His dad called him jibber jabber because he cooed the whole six weeks he had to stay in NICU. He was warm hearted and shared anything he had and still will even if it's with a total stranger and would keep it all to himself most times. But Scott's personality was changing fast and for the worst and he'd always be staying in his room and now instead of wondering if he'd ever stop talking you wondered if he'd ever want to do anything with you.

IA: When did you FIRST realize your son had a drug problem?

KAY: I got a call from the Sheriff's office saying Scott was in jail for possession of heroin and when I asked how many tracks, he said he saw seven or eight and our whole life would never be the same. At that point I knew my son was in a terminal state. At that moment he didn't want to fight to live as he had a natural instinct to do as a baby. He wanted to get high until he died. Addiction actually blocks that instinct that is hardwired in our brains to live. Of course nobody could believe that he was an “A” student. Scott was shooting heroin and the next six years was a pattern of turning Scott into the police because he was shooting. There was and still is no treatment in Ohio where we live so he'd be in for three months (jail) and out for two weeks, and I was so afraid. Scott was always kindhearted and really had always been around people who loved him dearly. How would he survive being in prison with hardened criminals? And he wouldn't survive at all if he stayed at home.

IA: Was there anything or any struggles for Scott that you believe contributed to his addiction?

KAY: Scott was very close with his dad. After 40 years of nicotine addiction (four packs a day) I found Scott’s father dead from a heart attack. It was the most painful and devastating day in Scott’s life.

IA: What are some of the worse memories you have of your son's use?

KAY: Scott was my gentle giant but not when the heroin took over. It turned him into a parent’s worst nightmare. When he left for school we would wonder if he would make it back home at night or if we were going to have to plan a funeral.

IA: You had your son arrested in a last ditch effort to save his life. You decide that you’d rather see him behind bars than in a cemetery. Did this provide him with the choice and opportunity to get help?

KAY: Yes, he chose to get help and went to a treatment facility far away from home. It's the most difficult thing I ever had to do, but it was the only option. It's been two years since then and Scott hated me for months for sending him so far away, but after awhile he came to understand why I sent him away. I wanted him to have a chance to live and to find his path in life and I was not who he needed to help him with that. I'm mom. I can't understand what he's gone through and I was too close to the problem and was finding myself enabling him.

IA: Are you afraid he won’t make it and what advice do you have for other parents and family members affected by someone’s addiction?

KAY: He relapsed for three months but picked himself back up with the support of his sponsor and the friends he has met in the rooms of 12 step groups. I still get nervous as any parent would and it never goes completely away. He will battle with his disease the rest of his life. I continue to pray and hope Scott will continue to find true happiness in his life. Since Scott has gotten sober, several of his “friends” have died from overdoses. It’s a constant reminder what could have been and what could have happened if I didn’t do what I had to. Do what you have to do to save your loved one. You may not realize it but it could very well be right now a matter of life and death for someone you love.

Note: Since the original interview Kay’s son Scott has struggled back and forth between addiction and recovery with several relapses. He falls down but he gets back up. Scott also recently found out his girlfriend is expecting their baby.